Graph Paper

optic: lol this looks like an awesome game http://www.excalibur-publishing.com/deliverytruck.htm
optic: ooh they have a bus & cable car simulator
optic: also PORTS
kent: jesus
kent: i’m not big on video/computer games in general but if i want to play a game i want an escape from real life, not a game that lets you pursue some mundane aspect of real life.
optic: lol london underground simulator
optic: YOU GET TO DRIVE THE TRAINS, ALONG THEIR FIXED TRACK
kent: do they have a washing up after dinner game?
kent: or a chasing dust-bunnies under the furniture game?
luna: i’d like to try AIRPORT SECURITY LINE SIMULATOR
kent: the only game i play regularly is Ableton Live, and I may have beaten that.
optic: lol http://www.excalibur-publishing.com/londonunderground.htm
kent: can you play london underground as a homegrown islamic terrorist setting bombs?
optic: i’d like to play a game that simulates what its like to look at random web pages at work
optic: nope kent but there are realistic announcements
luna: these cant be real
rich: isuppose ypu guys never played flight aimulator
optic: maybe it’s a game producer simulator
luna: im throughly enjoying hte progessive house soundtrack
optic: EXPERIENCE THE REAL EXPERIENCE OF CREATING GAMES
kent: howabout SLASHDOT COMMENT TROLL SIMULATOR
optic: better yet, game player simulator
optic: game player simulator sounds like something Borges would have thought up
kent: what about game player simulator simulator
kent: see also infinite regress simulator
optic: HAVE THE ACTUAL EXPERIENCE OF PLAYING A COMPUTER GAME WITHOUT ANY OF THE RISKS OF PLAYING A COMPUTER GAME — BY PLAYING A COMPUTER GAME
rich: damn if i had headphones i could watch netflix streamng on my iphone
luna: you didnt bring a book OR headphones to jurty duty?!
rich: nope
optic: jesus rich
luna: how about JURY DUTY SIMULATOR
luna: where if you forget to bring a book or headphones, you automatically lose

Elizabeth Bennet: I am very sensible of the honour of your proposals, but it is impossible for me to do otherwise than decline them.

Mr. Collins: I am not now to learn, that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.

Elizabeth: Upon my word, Sir, your hope is rather an extraordinary one after my declaration.

Chris Tucker: YOU GOT TURNED THE FUCK DOWN!
[Elizabeth climbs into waiting barouche-landau and drives off. Mr. Collins leaps onto his plunging black charger and gives chase]

Mr. Collins: I say, I shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long!

Elizabeth [urging the horses on]: I am perfectly serious in my refusal! — You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who would make you so!

Mr. Collins [leaping over ravine]: I cannot imagine that her ladyship would at all disapprove of you. And you may be certain that when I have the honour of seeing her again I shall speak in the highest terms of your modesty, economy, and other amiable qualifications!

Elizabeth [just making it onto a ferry, as Mr. Collins reins in at the shore]: I wish you very happy and very rich, and by refusing your hand, do all in my power to prevent your being otherwise.

Mr. Collins: When I do myself the honour of speaking to you next on this subject I shall hope to receive a more favourable answer than you have now given me.

[Mr. Collins expression of steely resolve; dramatic chipmunk music]

[Later…]

Mr. Darcy: You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.

Elizabeth: Yes yes oh yes!

[They kiss]

Mr. Collins [appearing from behind a shrubbery]: I understand that it is common with elegant females to become engaged to another gentleman in order to stir the passions of the man they truly intend to accept, and shall hope to lead you to the altar ere long.

[dramatic chipmunk music]

Elizabeth: Oh for fuck’s sake!

Brutus and the conspirators cluster around Caesar, stabbing him repeatedly with their knives until he lies dead on the ground. Camera pans up to show the large and expanding pool of blood around him. Closeup on Brutus as he turns away, a look of grim achievement on his face. There’s a rustle behind him. Brutus slowly turns to look, and sees Caesar stumbling toward him, holding someone’s blood-soaked knife.

“ET THIS, BRUTE!” snarls Caesar, and plunges the knife into Brutus’s eye. Blood sprays out in slow motion. Caesar throws himself over a nearby parapet into a convenient chariot and gallops off, the surviving conspirators in hot pursuit.

(for this contest)

Cocktails
Anisette Bening

Snacks
Ruffles have Bridges
Mark Ruffleos
Darren Pretzelnofskies
Crispian Kale

Salad
Jesse Eisenberg Lettuce Salad with Shaved Jeremy Fennel and Javier Bacon Lardons

Soup
The King’s Beets, Geoffrey Russian Style

Mains
Natalie Porkmans
James Franc’n’beans
Roasted David O. Brussels Sprouts
Joel and Ethan Coen on the Cob, with Salt

Afters
The Cakes are All White
Nicole King Dons
Selections from our Helena Bonbon Cart
Lady Finchers

Liszt’s Hungarian Rhapsody #2 is one of my favorite pieces (me and everyone else). I was reading about it last week and listening to some performances, including Horowitz (I like what he does starting at about 4:10) and Jung Lin (check out the section starting around 5:00). I also came across a reference to Friz Freleng’s Rhapsody in Rivets, a cartoon that sets the construction of the “umpire” state building to the melody, which I had to watch. Hungarian Rhapsody might be the #1 piece of classical music for cartoons, because Rhapsody in Rivets led me to (in chronological order), Mickey Mouse, an orchestra of animals, Bugs Bunny and a mouse, and Tom and Jerry — all of them playing Hungarian Rhapsody, and all sharing similar gags. Rhapsody in Rivets has some great visual interpretations of the music, like the guy running up and down the ladder (4:20, 4:50), the diggers (4:10), the hammerers (5:20), and the bricklayers (5:30, 6:15). The Mickey Mouse cartoon probably tops the list for surrealism, when the piano and stool boot Mickey off the stage and the piano starts playing itself with its front legs while the stool dances (starting around 1:35). And then of course there’s Victor Borge‘s take, which is sort of like a Tom and Jerry cartoon but with real people.

Yesterday’s Comics Curmudgeon highlights a “Hi and Lois” strip that pretty much covers the “modern suburban malaise” genre. I like Josh’s take on “Revolutionary Road” too — it does kind of make sense as a “Titanic” sequel.

After my great blog malaise (thanks for the suggestions), all I really enjoy reading right now are comics and food blogs. Politics, go to hell. In other news, this is my first Optic post using my new WordPress install rather than my old Movable Type install with the handcrafted crossposting script. hoorah.